Category Archives: Let’s Play Pokemon

Pokemon Black Chapter 2: An Accumulation of Plasma

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Before we leave Nuvema Town, let’s look at some menus.

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This is the main menu. You may recognise it from every Pokemon game ever.

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I like this Pokedex design. The X/Y one was kind of shit.

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This is the bag. I’m starting to see where X/Y got its bad UI design from. I’m also starting to suspect this LP will involve more criticism of Pokemon X/Y than actual commentary.

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Finally, let’s fix the text speed.

PART 04 – HOW TO “CATCH A POKEMON”

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Yes, Route 1 is in the direction of literally the only exit to the town.

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Is there actually a point where Route 1 “starts”? More importantly, have these kids seriously never left their hometown before? Never?

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…Oh yeah, I forgot about that thing. I guess that’s how they know they’re on Route 1.

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Why the four of us didn’t just leave town together, I’ll never know.

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Putting aside the fact that this doesn’t make any sense, I’ve always liked the theory that the kids write the Pokedex entries themselves. This explains roughly 100% of the nonsensical bullshit.

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At least they’re getting the “catch a Pokemon” demonstration out of the way early this time.

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Can’t I just have a limitless supply of Quick Balls already?

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But you just got five of them.

PART 05 – THE LEAST UNINTERESTING ROUTE 1.

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…What. What is the point of this sign.

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Right, time to make up for lost EXP.

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There we go.

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…Huh? Oh… yeah… I guess it’s October now… huh…

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Thank you, RPG sign #4035.

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I vaguely understand the notion of free samples, but… why are you standing in the tall grass?

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ANOTHER ONE?!?!

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Right, time to catch some Pokemon.

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.

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.

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At some point I also levelled up Snivy a bit.

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You’re not even trying, are you?

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I will have hundreds of little slaves by the time I’m through!

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Why don’t they just call it a phone.

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Wait, the phone in B/W is more useful than X/Y’s Holocauster?

PART 06 – WELCOME TO ACCUMULATOWN

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I like this town, for reasons I’ll explain later.

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Oh god. It’s this music. Again.

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Why do they even ask?

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Did they put the PC on the left this time just to fuck with us?

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Remember in Gen I how Professor Oak would give you key items for Pokedex progress? That was a nice idea. What happened to that?

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Don’t worry, I’m sure I won’t (be able to) miss them.

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WHAT IS THE POINT OF MAIL?! SOMEONE EXPLAIN IT TO ME!

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I now have 10 Poke Balls and 5 Potions.

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It takes skill to make breaking the fourth wall not funny.

PART 07 – PLASMA PARTY (WITH PETA BREAD)

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A Pokemon town with more than three people in it?

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Why hello there, villains.

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We then listen to Lord Evil preach about morality for a bit.

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And then they leave, like the horrible villains they are.

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Does this man know what “liberate” means?

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Hello, you green haired twat.

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Cheren, why did you tell him about our Pokemon Pachinko plans?

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Why are they still using “PKMN” in the twenty first century.

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Does he want Pokemon liberation or not?

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Well that was easy.

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Clearly he’s never heard of SUPER TRAINING.

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Strange, or completely psychotic?

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Now to explore the town!

PART 08 – ACCUMULATING MUSIC

If anyone’s confused about the layout of Accumula Town, here it is.

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…oh no. oh no oh no oh no.

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The trash can is always empty.

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Must… escape… empty… trash…

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What. But they’re in Poke Balls. Right? You can’t see them.

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This house is stupid.

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I get that trainers all have to follow that rule, but is there anything stopping the VILLAINS from just bringing a hundred Pokemon to every fight?

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Why thank you for this wonderful gift, valued at TWO DOLLARS.

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This is astoundingly pointless.

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Why does this series insist on telling me everything.

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Um. Thanks.

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…You seem way too excited about this.

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…Huh. So this show wasn’t just an X/Y thing.

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Okay I’m going to show you guys something neat.

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I agree with this 100%, Accumula Town is great. Neatness is still ahead though.

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Okay, here we go. The thing I love about Accumula Town is the music, and what this house does to it.
Here’s the base form.

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And then you get the Piano form.

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Or if you talk to this one, you get the Drums form.

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And once you’ve talked to both you can wander around the town with the Mixed form playing.

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So that’s the progress we’ve made so far. We’ve explored two towns, traversed one route, met some villains and heard some of the best Pokemon music since TRUMPETS.

See you next time as we take on the FIRST REAL CHALLENGE (to my motivation).

Pokemon Black Chapter 1: New Region, Same Bullshit

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.

PART 01 – WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

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Hello, Professor Oak v5.0~

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The female design appears to have been stolen from The World Ends With You.

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Sure, let’s go with that.

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This is the dumbest sentence that has ever been said by anyone ever.

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For suggesting that Bianca has potential, I sentence you to fifty-one seconds of TRUMPETS.

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Wait, what? Where are we now then?!

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.

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It begins.

PART 02 – THIS IS MY HOUSE, AND I LIVE IN IT

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How are you doing that with your mouth.

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There is literally no reason for Professor Oak v5.0 to send the Pokemon to my house, only to give me the Pokedex at the lab anyway. We live in the same town, it’s a five second walk, just give us the Pokemon at the lab!

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Bianca has no idea what pronouns are, a side-effect of the Pokemon world’s disturbing lack of educational institutions.

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Time to pick my first slave partner!

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Fuck yes.

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Or, let’s… not.

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This has never been an issue before, nor will it ever be again.

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Fine.

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GROW MORE PIXELS

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Hypocrite.

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I AM THE WORLD’S GREATEST POKEMON TRAINER.

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Just wait ’till I start taking money from toddlers.

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“That was some wild sex!”

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“SHIT, YOU’RE STILL HERE?!”

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“Wild sex? What are you talking about?”

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*facepalm* “Great excuse, Bianca.”

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“It’s okay, I have some towels around here somewhere…”

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“Fine. Bianca, you go find the towels while I beat up this nerd and take his money.”

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Oh hey, a NERD. Time to BEAT HIM UP and TAKE HIS MONEY.

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Less talking. More me beating you up (and taking your money).

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Uh oh.

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So close… ;_;

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Beating people up and taking their money activates Cheren’s nerd testosterone.

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“No, I’ll do it! Uh, where are the towels?!”

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You’re going to pay for this, you git.

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A device co-developed by a crossdresser and a transexual.

PART 03: PALLET TOWN V5.0

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So, this is Nuvema Town.

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There are Mega Stones in the water! Quick, get them out!

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Before I go to the lab, I have to go to Bianca’s house. And fuck her.

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“Too late sir, we already did it.”
(And that is the last joke I do on that topic, I swear.)

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Why am I supposed to side with the idiots in this game.

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Really? That sounds stupidly dangerous.

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Note: The time of day will change without warning, all the time. I’m working on this whenever I feel like it.

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Researching how to ruin great names with shit characters.

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Arceus, Mew, the past. Done.

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…Really? You just gave three kids a Pokemon each, and you think it’s unusual that they battled?

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Pffft, sentimentality.

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…Of course you do.

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No thanks, I’d rathe-

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God. Dammit. Bianca.

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I agree. No was the best possible answer.

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Can I go home now?

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Oh god I can’t stop applying sexual connotations to the things she says. I’m so sorry everyone.

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“She said I have to defeat Team Plasma and become the Champio- Oh shit, spoilers! Sorry!”

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What? A Level 5 grass type? What if there’s a wild Talonflame?

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And with that, Dominic took the first step of his epic journey into the Pokemon world. Many mysteries await – Who was that green haired twat in the intro? What was that mysterious Pokemon on the title screen? How generic will the villains be, and how will we inevitably end up saving the world? And how exactly does one “catch a Pokemon”? Tune in next week whenever to find out!

Introducing… Let’s Play Pokemon Black!

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Welcome… to an epic quest of discovery.

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A quest to not be bored out of my skull by the second gym.

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A quest to tolerate N’s ridiculous hair and the terrible 3D graphics.

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A quest to not bang my head on a wall whenever I see Woobat’s abysmal design.

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A quest to begrudgingly give credit where it’s due. (This music is really awesome.)

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A quest to call N a twat at every available opportunity, and to generally be as cynical as humanly possible.

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Wait. You mean to tell me this game has HOPES?!

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And DREAMS?!?!

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And DISCOVERIE- oh my lord I am fucking sold.

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Okay, jokes aside.

This is gonna be awesome.